The Double-Edged Sword of a Great Personality

What is a “great” personality? Half of my motive for answering this is so that I can stop putting the word great into quotation marks..honestly..truly.. I am referring to a charismatic person, one, who is more times than not, warm, accepting, cool, fun, optimistic and all of those other great adjectives we hear about. Or maybe let me put it this way. When you’re around this person, you just “feel” better in one way or another, for some odd reason. (Oooooo I see you smiling! Who you thinking about??? *aggressive eye emoji inserted here*) . We all know one. Or more than one.  And I am one of these people. Not in an imperious way though. I have consciously tried to master this in the earlier years of my life when I struggled with acceptance. Now, it kind of comes naturally.. Enough about me (for now)


So what’s so great about great personalities.



One day you’re having a conversation with someone and the next day you have a job. You could have been simply talking about the joy of making pies with the elderly or the commonality of the euphoric feeling after seeing a superhero movie. But it is not what you said; it is HOW you said it… your timing…and how you made that person feel. It’s an…. art almost.



Now there are some people who are just determined to not like you because other people are drawn to you. But besides that, you’re most of the time seen as a confidant, mentor of some sort, or everyone’s close friend. You walk into a role or roles in people’s lives without asking. And since you are someone that matters to people, it is a low probability of them trying to ruin that.

And of course there’s more, butt that was not the point of this blog =]

Ok so now that my least favorite portion is out of the way. The cons.



I had to ask myself, Wait is that bad? Ehh, it depends. I remember watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Lisa was blaming Will for being just too likable. And Will responded, “Oh darn, that’s a character flaw.” I laughed out loud literally and not the fake smile scrolling through social media. Then, I began to think about it. People LOVE to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and valued and people with great personalities usually know the things to say or do to spark those feelings in other individuals. It’s human nature -> when you find a source of those “good feelings”, you return to it. And expect more. And can end up abusing it if not careful. People then like to soak you up for their own good, and leave you dry. You’re definitely likable alright, but you never know for what reason until the relationship takes its course. Now if my self-esteem hadn’t been worked on while mastering this great personality, I could have turned into a people pleaser, but thank God I know how to say no and learned self-care. You then have to become strategic when guarding your peace. When I say strategic, I mean you have to choose days when you will simply focus on yourself and what you like to do. You have to avoid places sometimes because your energy is automatically expected and it’ll be a disappointment if your “charm” was not put to work. There are more scenarios, but you get the point right?




Ok so this one could just be me, but I am going to elaborate because it matters. What does it mean to be a professional friendzoner? Do take note that not everyone with a great personality is a friendzoner, buuuuttt those who friendzone usually have a great personality. I mean think about it. A friendzoner is nice enough to allow their rejection of you rest in friendship so you’re not completely devastated (bahaha). But a professional friendzoner has experience in the friendzoning business. At least 5-7 years under his/her belt. You say something or do things that either discourages the other person from pursuing/having hope in you or you have no idea how to even let the other person know you are actually interested. There are more complex definitions, but let’s stick with that. Now in my training to master this great personality, my confidence was low in the beginning. If I knew I didn’t look like the most wanted girl, I had to develop some skill to keep people’s attention. So if the guys didn’t “see me like that”, maybeee they eventually will with what I say. (around 12 yrs old at this time) But I quickly got discouraged with that thinking, and said “Hey, I at least want to be able to communicate and make friends”. BINGO! I did that. And well. Too well…I could not see beyond anyone looking at me besides that good reliable friend. Unless the gentlemen DIRECTLY said “Ashley, I am interested in dating you”, I missed all of the signs in the world. I mean there could have been a billboard…I digress. And of course they wouldn’t know that I liked them because I just knew how to talk to people. I knew how to keep up great conversation. I was a great listener and so forth. Flirting was not in my repertoire and I missed that class in my teenage years. I didn’t really know how to single a person out and make them feel special because…. I talked to everyone the same. I friendzoned out of familiarity, even when I really liked someone.  Don’t worry; I’ve gotten a little better (haha) And if you’re anything like me, your friendly manner also gave people the wrong idea unintentionally. Sigh, I just like people man.

OK, you guys knew it was coming! Let’s throw being a believer in the mix.

Along with that great personality, AND being a believer….Now you’re stuck feeling




Your great personality goes from something you mastered to you exuding the joy of the Lord. Which is NOT bad. But if not careful, people will put you in this happy go lucky Christian box and assume if you are not showing your best side and entertaining the entire room, your relationship with God is rockkkyyyyy. “I thought you were a believer?” “Are you not glad God woke you up this morning? I mean isn’t that what you tell me??”

There can be a lot said about people thinking you turned into a jubilant robot after giving your life to the Lord, but I think I’ll just do another post on that…another day.

So for those who are reading this and thinking “Oh come on, howwww dramatic can you be right now!? So are you upset that you have a “great” personality?? ‘Sucks’ to be you huh??”

LOL. No. BUT. If you are one who heavily leans on that awesome friend/person that can just brighten up your day with two words, just be mindful of possible things going on in their lives you have no idea about. Be considerate. Don’t abuse these people with your never ending problems. Ask them how are they once in a while. AND if you are someone who can relate to what was described above, make sure you have someone in your life that you consider to be awesome so that “this greatness” is not a one way street. Someone that can uplift you as well. Or recognize it in yourself because YOU my dear friend are hard to come by. Most people suck. Just being honest.

I’m just thankful that God placed some amazing people in my life who were able to see past my “great personality” and pride and all the other flaws to love me unconditionally.


To God be the Glory


  1. Awesome. I enjoyed getting to really understand the pros and cons of a great personality. I could definitely relate to this. I often times have problems balancing my personality and realizing who should, or if everyone should get to experience me like that. Hmmmm….. you got me thinking. Great post sis!!

    Liked by 1 person

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