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Disclaimers:

  • This post is not to bash any male or female for their own personal preference in dating.
  • I understand the bias is on both ends of the spectrum, but I will primarily focus on males and their reactions.
  • Also, if you are someone who says, “dating is of the devil, we COURT around these parts”. Listen, just read all of it before you rebuke me, okay? Okay, cool.

Rephrased, this question is asking “Does my visibly larger size make you uncomfortable, disgusted or potentially the least bit ashamed if people were to think we were romantically involved?” Think about it. Does it? And this question can go for guys AND girls. You ARE entitled to feel and believe whatever you feel and believe.

This topic is pretty taboo in some circles, especially when there is a plus size individual present. Hopefully, people are aware that the plus size community is full of healthy love lives and are found attractive outside of what they can do for a person. And big girls/guys are not automatically at a deficit because of their weight. But OF COURSE everyone doesn’t see it that way. So let’s talk about it.

THE QUESTION

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The million dollar question. And we big girls have to ask sometimes, because somewhere in our upbringing, we realized that our size said more about us than just liking food. Somewhere during our timeline, we saw the difference in how smaller girls were treated in comparison to bigger ones. We’re not always interested in being that awesome friend, or someone to talk to when you’re bored, or that secret hangout buddy during odd hours. So as you can see, being upfront about this will save us the hassle of the run around. We really don’t have time for the guessing games, just as our smaller queens don’t either.  I do not want to generalize every plus size queens’ experiences though, but this story is told too often to not be happening to several of them.

And we get it. Some people are usually uncomfortable with questions as forward as these. You are confronting a lot about yourself in answering that question alone. Insecurities, prejudices, privilege, biases, etc.

Hmm let me see, what’s the adage? You’re darned if you do and you’re darned if you don’t.

Some guys could either risk embarrassment from answering honestly or feel trapped in a box if it is public knowledge that this okay for them (what has been gathered from personal conversations and readings). To date big girls. To actually find them attractive. And wait… no….GASP….SEXUALLY attractive!! You…animal!

THE INITIAL SHOCK

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Wait. That guy is attractive. And he’s holding HER hand. My eyes are playing tricks on me.

It’s 2017. And as much as we are trying to submerge ourselves in this all accepting, nondiscriminatory alternate reality, the media, our families and friends have played a big part in what we deem as acceptable and beautiful. We WANT to see a person’s exterior and think to ourselves that their interior is so much more appealing… But does that always happen? NOPE.

Especially the African American community. Or let’s say, my experience with the African American community. We are pros at summing up people by their appearances. We’ve even mastered it in the church. Buttttt that’s ANOTHER post haha.

You know, some men have been really frank with me in confessing their “first time” being attracted to someone of my size. And if you immediately thought “How rude!” yea, there’s a certain level of rudeness and honesty that is actually appreciated. When I really hated who I was, I wore those “compliments” as a badges of honor, as if I were an exception to the plus size standards. Almost like I was straddling the fence of beauty. I should have never felt that proud, and those men should have never felt as bound as they did before coming forth with the confessions. I may not know everything about the laws of attraction, but I do know that rejected people reject people. So these same men have some unpacking to do on their own as well.

THE WORLD’S RESPONSE

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Awwwwww look at them over there! He really loves her for who she is! How sweet!

He oughta be ashamed. I’m sure he’s just using her for sex. Disgusting.

How much do you want to bet that she paying some of his bills?? No way that’s genuine.

Any of this sound familiar?

What I am about to say will sound extreme, but just hear me out. The “dating the big girl” phenomena is almost like coming out of the closet in certain aspects once someone openly admits, verbally or non-verbally, being okay with it.

Mind you, I am 22. So age and maturity played a huge part in my rationale.

People will stare you down. Be surprised if you’re affectionate in public. Some people honestly watch in disgust. They give nicknames to men who prefer plus size women. Chubby Chasers. It’s pretty ridiculous.

BIG GIRLS. YOU WORTH IT GIRL.

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If you identify with being a big girl, plus size queen, chubby princess, or all of the above, you are worth it girl. You are worth the love that an upstanding man has to give. One who is grounded in love for the Lord, his family, and himself. You are worth the wait if you are choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. You are worth the extravagant proposals you see on social media. You are worth being called beautiful everyday. Coming from someone who had to fight for yearssss to realize this, please believe me when I tell you, YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING! Just because someone says they like you doesn’t mean you have to jump at the opportunity, even if the opportunities aren’t as frequent. There is danger in placing your worth in another individual. Man will fail you EVERY TIME. Do not place hope in those things that are perishable. I know this may sound like a lecture/sermon, but I want everyone reading this to know that the love that God has to give you outweighs ANY DROP of love an individual has to give you in this lifetime. He’s not a selfish lover either. God’s love has a way of breaking down walls you didn’t know existed. But, you’ll have to see that for yourself. I’m just the messenger =]

To God be the Glory

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “So Do You Date Big Girls Orrrr

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